these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
