when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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