I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
