if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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