We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
