Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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