I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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