For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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