There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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