The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Oh god it's open bar.
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