I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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