i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
