I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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