Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
