Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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