So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Less talking, more tequila
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
