I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
