1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
