they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
