Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
