i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
