Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
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How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
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I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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