I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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