Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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