I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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