I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
