She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
