omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So squirting runs in the family.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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