she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
