Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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