the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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