my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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