Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
