if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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