There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
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You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
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Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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