I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
