Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
