Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
