I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
