do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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