It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
