nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
