He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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