the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
