Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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