insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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