i just wanna soil my oats bro
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
