cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Randomize
