Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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