k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
