I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
