dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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