You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
