it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
