What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
