Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
