o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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