bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
