please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Randomize
