last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
