I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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