man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
