So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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