I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
