I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
